That's all folks! (For now)

So it's official. No PGCE for me this September.

As much as Warwick seemed to have the best idea of how to select people, it was not an enjoyable day. The maths test was simple, but the English test... They lead you to believe that you'll be given a newspaper article to read and then write about - it turned out to be this report summarising the Cambridge Primary Review! I'm fine with making essay plans (I think I made a pretty good one for this), but when it's not Science or an area of expertise I tend to ramble when I start writing. When I can actually write... Writer's block is a pain in the backside, especially in a time limit!

I'd been fairly apathetic towards the whole thing anyway, so in a way once I'd got through the tests I was happy as I thought I could go home and get on with things. So when my name got called out to go through to the interview stage my heart almost exploded out of my chest - obviously I had to give it my best go, but I'd been so convinced I'd fail the English test I hadn't even thought about the interview. Let alone the group task...

Unfortunately for me, when it came to the group task I was put with two new people. All of my little table group from the morning got through - it would've made me feel a bit at ease if one of them had been in with me, but instead I was back to square one confidence-wise. We had to read a book and discuss why it was good for KS1 children. I've no idea about that age group, as I haven't worked with them and don't particularly want to! So I ended up following the other two people's lead; most things I thought of they said before I had a chance, meaning it looked like I couldn't come up with ideas of my own.

Despite all this I managed to stay pretty composed waiting for my interview - I still think I should've been the first one to go (they prioritised someone who had come from Harrogate!!), but I was made to go second. All I was worried about was the fact that I needed to get back home asap, as I was going to the ballet that night! Something that had been booked MONTHS ago - and I thought any interviews would be over and done with by May anyway...

Anyway. I may have had a calm facade but my mind was in a panic; I kept going blank when they asked their questions, and I felt like I was trying to be concise (a helpful thing when at work) rather than elaborate on my responses. And of course I thought of loads of other things that I could've said half an hour after the interview!

They said it was going to be a 3 week wait to hear back, but thankfully they only left it a week to reject me. As deflating as it is to fail three times, I'm definitely grateful they didn't keep me hanging for another fortnight - unlike Exeter! No feedback given, but as you can tell I had a reasonable idea of where I went wrong. And some solid advice given to me was to not ask for feedback if you know; why go through seeing it in black and white?

So now I'm approaching a crossroads again. My temp position runs out at the end of July, and I have to apply for what feels like my job. I understand why, but all this uncertainty does nobody any good! If I manage to get that job then that's probably a couple of years I can commit; looking into TEFL and OU courses during that time. If I do decide to go for the PGCE & teaching as my first career (I really do see myself as someone who will eventually have several careers) then application will be September 2013 at the earliest, for a September 2014 start.

Nobody prepares you for how hard it will be to get onto the course. It's all about how draining it is to get through the PGCE year - maybe the application process pales into insignificance once you actually start the work, I don't know, but I think it deserves a mention! It took me by surprise as to how difficult the whole process is, and I think that put me on the back foot from the start. As frustrating as it is to keep getting these setbacks, it's all a learning curve and I just have to learn from it and move on. You may not understand why these things happen at the time, maybe not even for years, but it will all become clear in the end!

What I need now is a bit of stability and a refocus. It'll work out eventually...